Borrowed from ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dolston:
I got a laugh from this, and I thought I'd pass it along.
***
A retired man's wife insists that he go with her to Walmart where he
gets bored with all the shopping.
He prefers to get in and get out, but the wife loves to browse. Here's a
letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mr. & Mrs,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
All complaints
against your husband are listed below.
Things he has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in house wares... and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and
asks,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"
And last, but not least .
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile and
then yelled very loudly, "there is no toilet paper in here"
dolston:I got a laugh from this, and I thought I'd pass it along.
***
A retired man's wife insists that he go with her to Walmart where he
gets bored with all the shopping.
He prefers to get in and get out, but the wife loves to browse. Here's a
letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mr. & Mrs,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
All complaints
against your husband are listed below.
Things he has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in house wares... and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and
asks,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"
And last, but not least .
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile and
then yelled very loudly, "there is no toilet paper in here"
